Another one for the "What the hell is she thinking?" scrapbook. Everyone's favourite tennis star Caitriona Ruane has finally put forward her proposals for ending academic selection... by not quite ending it? Well not quite, not yet. Maybe.

It seems as if she's done exactly what Basil McCrea predicted she would, i.e. "cobble together a last-minute proposal", when she realised she wasn't going to get her way by shouting louder than her opponents, stamping her feet and quickly burying her head in the sand.

A new type of transfer test will be put together to run over three years from 2008-2001. The test will cover a broader range of topics than the current one and grammar schools may only be allowed to select between 20% and 50% of their pupils.

Nothing has changed. She still hasn't got the power to ban academic selection, and there is no way in hell this half-assed, mish-mash "policy" (using the term in the loosest possible sense) will prevent those grammar schools committed to maintaining their high standards from implementing their own test, rendering the whole exercise a pointless and expensive waste. But who cares about the cost of egalitarian dogma when it's not your cash?

It really is time to put a stop to the nonsense going on at the Bill of Rights Forum. This bunch of professional do-gooders, whose job seems to be to advise those who will advise the government on a Bill of Rights, seem to want to allow anyone under the age of 18 to escape prosecution when they commit a crime.

I'm sure you're all familiar with stories about violent and disruptive youngsters who proudly proclaim "I know my rights" when teachers attempt to discipline them. They must be having a good laugh at this. This is not what a Bill of Rights is supposed to be about!

There is an age under which children aren't held criminally responsible for their actions because they aren't mature enough to understand right and wrong. At the moment, that age is set as 10. The UN Committee on the Rights of the Child don't like it being that low (the BORF seem happy enough to let us all know that bit) saying anything below 12 is not acceptable. What the BORF aren't so quick to talk about is The BORF do admit that they (the UN) view ages between 14-16 as "high" (though they deem this commendable), and yet they want the age raised to 18. So the offender, in the worst cases possibly a 17 year old who has abused a child or raped a woman, will be treated with kid-gloves and emerge with no criminal record.

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Is it any wonder unionists feel like their culture and identity is constantly under attack? It's all very well for people in Northern Ireland who are familiar with the bullshit emanating from the likes of the Andytown News group and the various interest groups to just switch off when the latest MOPE appears in the media, and most will. Unfortunately those without such a familiarity of the situation here actually believe some of it and that can lead to situations where, for example, the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam ranks Orangeism up there with Nazism and advocates of apartheid in South Africa.

I've said before, and anyone who knows me would testify, as an atheist I'm no particular fan of the Orange Order and they often do themselves no favours. Sometimes it surprises me how much the bullshit slander (they eat babies and rape women, didn't you know?) against them annoys me, but the fact is that the Orange Order is just a 'legitimate target' for the sectarian bile and hatred the perpetrators clearly feel towards unionists and/or Protestants generally.

Why does all this matter? Because once these hateful liars have successfully demonised unionism and the majority population of Northern Ireland they can use these fictitious and/or exaggerated 'evil acts' to justify the extremely real and extremely vicious murders and bombings carried out by the IRA - by pretending they were fighting a dangerous, bigoted, violent group of oppressors rather than an innocent civilian population.

Limavady Borough Council: redefining "offensive"

Nationalist councillors (who hold a majority) on Limavady Borough Council have ordered the removal of several items from council premises in order to create a "neutral working environment".

Unfortunately they weren't totally sure what should be removed and had to search the internet to decide whether or not they were offended by a statue of Limavady man William (Ferguson) Massey, who had been Prime Minister of New Zealand from 1912 to 1925 and founded New Zealand's Reform Party (now the conservative National Party, the largest opposition party in New Zealand at this time). As it turns out they are offended by the statue. Why? You may well ask. Apparently some hotshot detective work by nationalist councillors turned up that Massey had been a Protestant member of the Orange Order in New Zealand. Thank God for Wikipedia, eh?

Other items which had to be removed include a coffee mug celebrating Prince Charles and Princess Diana's wedding and a toy dragon.

The Equality Commission said it advised the council, which was seeking to adopt a "policy on neutral public space". The Commission said they prefer the objective of a "good and harmonious" environment to a neutral one.

"The Commission advised that the Fair Employment Code of Practice refers to promoting a 'good and harmonious environment' and drew attention to fact that this concept is preferred to that of a 'neutral' environment... The Commission has not provided advice regarding the removal of any specific items or emblems."
Equality Commission spokesman

But nationalist councillors would not be deterred by that, or by the anger it caused amongst their unionist colleagues. They spent a year and brought in an independent consultant to hunt out anything they might be able to take offence at. While they were doing this, one wonders where it fell on their list of priorities in relation to the loss of 900 jobs in Limavady or allegations of bullying of council staff. But what do they matter when you can protect the citizenry from the horrors of a Charles and Diana mug sitting in a council's display case that most of them will likely never see?

Actually, Brian Feeney's fundamental failure might be understanding anything, but I was feeling charitable when I wrote that title. The Irish News is generally the best of a bad bunch when it comes to local news papers, which makes the fact that they give regular space to an idiot like Feeney all the more puzzling. I guess it must be a marketing decision; there are enough people out there who enjoy nothing more than reading material that reinforces their own prejudices, even if it is rubbish.

Over at 3,000 Versts Chekov does a wonderful job of tearing apart Feeney's latest diatribe against unionists, which comes disguised as a rant about Human Rights (nice to see the Irish News finally making their content freely-available online by the way. Damn this new media stuff's a bit scary).

In addition to Chekov's critique, I thought I should add my own thoughts. Firstly to correct a schoolboy error. Feeney says

"[Unionists] use the words ‘UK’ and ‘Britain’ inter-changeably. When they remember that the north [sic] isn’t part of Britain..."

Britain and the UK are interchangeable and it's not just unionists who use the terms accordingly. Feeney may be confusing Britain, a convenient short-hand for "the United Kingdom", with Great Britain, the island consisting of England, Scotland and Wales. I'd let the mistake slide if it wasn't for the fact the arrogant shite is trying to correct other people. The first rule of being a smart-arse is to know your facts.

Feeney goes on about unionist reluctance to devolve policing and justice powers "such a mentality indicates a fear of self-reliance, a unionist unwillingness to stand on their own two feet". Actually, it is the manifestation of a fear of letting the fox run the hen-house - to give convicted criminals the ultimate (or nearly ultimate) say in running the police. Sounds like common sense to me.

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Seems I'm not the only one to be depressed by the recent spoutings from the DUP's Lisburn crew. Things are pretty dire when the Corporate Services Committee of the local council demand that schools in the area teach Christianity creationism as a scientific theory (maybe this is what they were thinking of).

Even if the councils were responsible for education, surely it wouldn't be in the remit of some poxy committee whose primary job seems to be HR for the council. Don't you idiots get it? This sort of crap is why our local councils can't be trusted to take anything to do with education! Thankfully the local headmasters have politely told the council committee to blow it out their ass.

Of course this sort of nonsense is nothing new. Those readers who remember it may think back to some previous issues that got the local bible-bashers riled up. From Harry Potter being a dangerous cult to Line Dancing with its "sexual gestures and touching" being "an incitement to lust." (Guess who!)

Meanwhile the minister with responsibility for culture believes the Earth is only 6,000 years old. God only knows what information's going to end up being displayed at the Giant's Causeway's visitor centre (if we ever get one).

Frankly I'd normally let them live in blissful ignorance but these nutters are running the country. I have to wonder if this is our collective punishment for all the years of bigotry and sectarian hatred; God must be in quare vengeful form!

"I have successfully broken the strength of Sinn Fein," So says Ian Paisley on UTV's election coverage.

Let me get this right. Sinn Fein are set to get their best election result in history and Big Ian reckons he's broken their strength?

It just proves what I've been saying for years. Ian Paisley has lost the plot.

Sinn Fein and the DUP feed off each other, they need each other. Their antagonistic brand of politics means they need a bogeyman and they act as perfect bogeymen for each others' tribe. All they have to do to rouse the rabble is hold up an image of the other.

This is all after he was on TV earlier ranting on about righteousness (I think it was a victory for "believers in democracy and righteousness" or something like that) and making scarily similar noises to a Jihadist. How can people continuously vote for this nut bar?

This story's so farcical it's hard to no where to begin so I'll try and summarise the last couple of days, just in case anyone missed it.

A middle-aged, virtually crippled, arthritic terrorist, who even Jonny Adair (of all people) describes as "criminally and politically insane" and who by rights should have been in jail for about another 6½ centuries*, launches a one-man assault on Northern Ireland's Parliament building.

Lest Stone might derail the "peace process", the UDA, Ulster's largest loyalist terrorist organisation, dispatches 4 hit-squads, complete with police-style sirens, to "arrest" or kill Stone, all in the name of peace (and about £30 million, apparently).

Where else in the world? Seriously!

When I first saw the headline Sinn Fein anger over B&Q emblem I thought the Sinners had taken offence at the fact that the DIY chain's colour-scheme is Orange, but apparently it's something much more sinister.

Yes folks, B&Q have signed a deal to become official sponsors of the Great Britain and Northern Ireland olympic team until the next summer games in 2008, and to celebrate this have offered staff the option of wearing an alternative uniform which includes the Team GB logo. Shock horror!

It doesn't seem matter to Ms Ruane that nobody's being made to wear the new uniforms, and that staff "have complete freedom of choice" if they wish to continue wearing their regular uniforms. I know that some MLAs must be stuck for something to do with the assembly in suspension, and Ms Ruane may just be trying to detract attention from the real political issues facing Northern Ireland at the moment, but this is taking the piss.

MPs from the DUP and UUP have joined with the SDLP and Sinn Fein in urging the Minister for Social Development, David Hanson, not to repeal Northern Ireland's antiquated licensing laws by bringing the licensing procedures inline with those in England and Wales.

According to the UTV report the politicians warned "pressing ahead with liberalisation proposals could result in every corner shop being able to sell drink." and we could never have that (among other things, on the mainland, you can buy alcohol at your local corner shops with your groceries).

Among the outrageous proposals being put forward by the DSD were such destructive ideas as:

• New powers for police to enforce licensing laws (including temporary closure or restricted hours for offending premises)
• A penalty points system for licensees
• Dedicated liquor licensing officers
• Test purchasing powers to allow the police to catch out vendors selling to underage drinkers
• Extension of opening hours by an entire hour to 2AM (except on Sundays) by mid 2007

"There is no need to tamper with a system that has worked well for the people of Northern Ireland for decades just so he can say he has brought our legislation into line with that of the rest of the UK."
Jeffrey Donaldson, DUP MP & MLA, Lagan Valley

Wee Jeff knows best. I hope the irony of a Unionist arguing so hard against legalising something that is perfectly normal in the rest of the UK wasn't lost on him. Thank goodness that we have enlightened fresh-thinking politicians like these to save Ulster from the horrifying prospect of picking up a well-earned six-pack from the Co-Op at the end of a hard day's work.